Once in a while we make decisions that become foundational in our lives and the lives of those around us. That was certainly the case when my husband and I decided that family dinners would be a “rule of law” as we raised our kids.  Before our first child turned two years old, she was participating in the ritual of eating with us at the dinner table.  Looking back, that practice has quite possibly been one of the most profound decisions we ever made.

• There is an incredible sense of CONNECTION when family members eat together.  The meal becomes the one hour in a day when time is actually carved out for togetherness.  We have a “no toys, no electronics” rule at the table. Dinner is a time to enjoy one another and a good meal.  Typically we start our conversations with “High-Low”. (What was the high of your day?  What was the low?)   It is a great way to open the door to conversation and allow it to flow naturally.

• During those conversations we have done a lot of PROBLEM-SOLVING together. Often someone’s low prompts the interaction of feedback from each of us.  Naturally there are times that require we parents to direct the conversation and keep it constructive, but there is so much growth in that process.  We have learned to support one another, set goals, encourage one another and strengthen our sense of belonging to one another.

• There is very powerful VALIDATION and bond that comes from listening to the thoughts and feelings of your family members. In the whirlwind of life there is a tendency to multi-task, and that simply does not promote good listening skills. It is in the process of being heard and feeling understood that people feel safe and secure in a relationship. Modeling the behaviors of substantiation and acceptance at home only helps to build stronger foundations for relationships outside the home. 

• Dinner time is also an opportunity to let go and RELAX.  Everything is on hold while we sit at the table – no chores, no work, no homework for one whole hour!   Usually family life is pretty busy, each of us managing our schedules and trying to balance the things on our to-do lists. The house can become quite a zoo at times. If you don’t carve out the down time, chances are it won’t occur. Make it a priority, and watch how it changes the family dynamic. 

• The result of letting go can often lead to hysterical LAUGHTER! We have had some of our biggest giggles during mealtime.  While we have expectations of good manners at the table, we also leave enough room for “real life” to occur – those moments that are shared in the privacy of our home that might otherwise not be considered acceptable.  When you know you are safe, there is a freedom to just “be yourself” without judgement. In our politically correct world, that can be quite refreshing.  Make no mistake, there have been moments when my husband and I have had to use our poker faces, but the laughter and the learning are invaluable. We use those moments as opportunities to teach by connecting rather than lecturing. 

• There are wonderful opportunities for strong ROLE-MODELING* at the dinner table. Even amidst a sea of laughter, the expectation can be upheld for everyone to stay seated, avoid playing with their silverware and keep napkins in laps.  Practice makes perfect, so when the habits are established in the home, you greatly reduce the stress and embarrassment you might otherwise face when you take the family out to dinner.

• Cooking at home is the only way to truly understand the INGREDIENTS that are used in the meals. I like to know what goes into my body and how it reacts in my digestive system. Whether you are following a specific diet or not, being educated on how you are fueling your body is powerful. 

• Teaching your kids how to MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES is a worthwhile investment in their future. Knowing how food reacts in your system and what your body needs in order to conduct the best energy is empowering. Family meals give you an opportunity to explain the why behind the fuel and reinforce the habit of selecting foods that promote strong bodies and strong minds.

• The practice of cooking a single family meal instead of an adult meal and a kids meal is invaluable.  You can DEVELOP SOPHISTICATED PALATES in young kids if you don’t assume they will turn their noses up. The experts say you have to present food to toddlers five to ten times before they accept it. Have you ever seen children from different ethnic backgrounds eat foods you swear your kids would never touch?  Why is that?  Start presenting a variety of foods as early as possible to your children. Our kids were eating grilled salmon with us before they were one, and by five they were asking for adult menus at restaurants. I will never forget the look on the waitress’ face when my very young son first ordered filet mignon medium rare. Yes, we have expensive kids in that regard, but the benefit is that they have been so much fun to travel with over the years.  They are adventurous with food, and consequently we can take them anywhere without worrying about someone whining over where to eat.

• I once read that the top CEO’s in the world had one common trait that they attributed to their SUCCESS – the habit of enjoying family meals growing up.  It’s hard to pinpoint exactly the reason, but I have witnessed too many benefits to stay silent about our sacred practice of sharing meals together.  My kids know mealtime is a high priority in the home.  We have had to alter our schedules many times over the years to ensure we protect our ritual.  There were seasons when the kids were playing sports until 9:00 pm, and we didn’t sit down to eat a full meal until 9:15 pm. As a health and nutrition coach, I admit that is not an ideal plan for food digestion; however, this became a very personal decision for me. The importance of one hour of sacred time with the family far outweighed how I metabolized my food. Flexibility is the key.  Know your goals, then structure your priorities around your convictions.  Family dinners were high priority for me, and looking back I can say with no uncertainty I have zero regrets!

*Special note to moms with girls: I believe that a large part of role-modeling to young girls is the emphasis on health over looks. Let your girls see you eating a full meal at the dinner table.  If you nibble on carrot sticks every night while your family eats roast and potatoes, don’t be surprised when your daughter begins to move towards malnutrition in her teen years.  There is an epidemic in today’s society for young girls to be thin in order to fit in, and social media only exacerbates the situation. Teach portion control and the pleasure of making healthy choices taste yummy.